Thursday, June 2, 2011

A Slice of History

Editor's Note: The Sovern Nation has obtained the following exclusive imaginary transcript of this week's Pizza Summit meeting between imaginary presidential candidates Sarah Palin and Donald Trump.  After wiping off the tomato sauce, we can reveal the conversation transpired as follows:

"Governor Palin, thank you so much for reaching out to me!  It is a rare honor indeed for me to meet someone who has almost as much chutzpah as I do.  Since Steinbrenner passed away, it's been lonely at the top."

"Oh no the pleaasure is mine, Mr. Trump.  I have admired your work from afar for so long.  As I drive around this great nation of ours, with its inspiring highways and truly awesome truck stops, visiting so many of our important and inspirational sites and monuments, I want to make sure I visit all of the things that make America the envy of the non-American, non-rich world.  And you, and your hair, are at the top of that inspiring list."

"Well thank you, I have to say, I've always thought, there's room on Mount Rushmore for one more head, isn't there?  Why not mine?  I may have to buy the mountain though now that I'm not running for president.  Although I could still run, you know.  There's a lot of people out there trying to pull me back in."

"Yes, it's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?  That's one of the things I want to talk to you about.  I so admire the way you ran your campaign.  The drama, the way you highlight the really important issues, the way you make fools of the media.  I feel like I have so much to learn from you, as I make my way through this awesome nation, seeing so many of the founding sites where much of our inspirational and revolutionary history was invented."

"That's why I suggested Famous Famiglia, by the way, Governor.  This is where they invented the garlic knots.  I figure they don't have those in Alaska.  We could have gone to Ray's but I've never figured out which one is actually owned by Ray."

"Yes, these are delicious.  And what's on this slice here?"

"That's pepperoni.  Fresh pepperoni."

"Oh!  That's not an animal we have in Alaska, I don't think.  I have had Moosearoni Pizza at Northern Slice in Wasilla but I think that's a different species.  Like Mark Zuckerberg, I try not to eat meat I haven't killed myself but I am willing to make an exception while I visit the alien Godless cities of the Eastern Seaboard."

"Well this is some of the best in the city.  I thought about taking you somewhere more substantial but that didn't seem your style."

"Oh no this is perfect!  Light, simple, thin, not too heavy.  And you can really taste the wonderful contribution of the legal immigrants who made this sauce, the rich flavor of the tapestry of that hard work and sacrifice they made to follow their dream but still follow the rules, work so ethically and with such a joy for freedom to come to this great America and slice this pizza."

"Oh is that what that flavor is, Governor?  I thought it was oregano."

"Well I don't have too much more time, Mr. Donald.  My bus is idling uptown.  The media is waiting to see which historic inspirational site I will visit next.  I sent out a tweet about the Battle of Yorktown but that was just a diversion.  Did anything historic happen at Coney Island?  I was hoping to try Nathan's."

"Forget about it! There's one around the corner.  I will personally have some hot dogs delivered to your bus."

"Well that is so just wonderful of you.  This has truly been an inspirational meeting.  Do you have any other advice for me, as I resume my journey across this One Nation, Indivisible, Under God, except in certain sections of New York and San Francisco?"

"Yes, Governor.  Try the meatballs."