Saturday, February 3, 2024

Your Super Bowl Par-Tay Playlist

This will drive a small but vocal segment of America inexplicably mad, but as a public service, we hereby present a playlist for your Super Bowl party—or in our case, our Super Bowl Par-Tay-Tay. With almost 300 songs to her credit, Taylor Swift has certainly written one to fit most any situation that arises in the game. So here ya go: whatever happens on the field, here's a song to cue up to meet the moment:

(As lifelong Green Bay Packers fans and shareholders, this would be a lot easier if Jordan Love had led our Pack to the Big Game. We'd just play "Love Story" over and over again. Sadly, that track is glaringly absent from this suggested soundtrack.)

Your team falls behind early? Shake It Off

Game is scoreless? Blank Space

Fight on the field? Bad Blood

Fumble? Mine

Intercept the ball? You Belong With Me

Unsportsmanlike conduct?  Look What You Made Me Do

Coach goes ballistic over a bad call? You Need To Calm Down 

QB doesn't see a wide open receiver? I Forgot That You Existed 

100-yard kickoff return? Untouchable 

49ers score lots of points? Gold Rush

Flagged for pass interference (Defensive back's version)? Innocent 

Flagged for pass interference (Receiver's version)? You All Over Me

Flip in momentum? Everything Has Changed 

Pulling away in the lead? Out of the Woods

Holding? Invisible String 

Score a touchdown? Seven

Kelce scores a TD? How You Get the Girl

TV shows Tay-Tay in the Kelce family box? ME!

Get away with a penalty but on the next play you turn the ball over? Karma 

Roughing the Passer? I Did Something Bad

Score the most TDs in the game? The Man

Run away from all the tacklers? Daylight 

Man to man coverage? You're On Your Own, Kid

Your Coach makes a genius play call? Mastermind 

Somehow escape a sure sack? Safe and Sound

Get sacked by Nick Bosa? I Knew You Were Trouble

Another fight between players? Sparks Fly

Skycam shot of both teams lined up? 22

Awesome TD dance? Style

Deliver a powerful tackle? Fearless 

Offense moves inside the 20? Red

Kicker missed a long field goal? This Is Me Trying

Offensive line keeps the QB from getting sacked? Clean 

One-sided, terrible game? Is It Over Now

Game comes down to one last play? 'Tis The Damn Season

Your team loses? Cruel Summer

Lose on a last second field goal? Would've, Could've, Should've 

Win a Super Bowl ring? Bejeweled

Your team wins in a blowout? Wildest Dreams 

Celebrate too long after you win? Champagne Problems 

Chiefs win AGAIN?? The Last Great American Dynasty

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